Frequently Asked Questions

  1. I’ve heard lawyers can be very intimidating. I am not comfortable meeting with a lawyer.

    2. When you are making your first appointment to see a lawyer, ask if you can bring a friend or family member along with you. Most lawyers will not mind, and having a support person with you will make the process much less intimidating.

    If, during the initial meeting, the lawyer makes you feel rushed or uncomfortable, this is not the lawyer for you. Keep searching until you find a lawyer who makes you feel respected, valued, and listened to. Go with your instinct – are you and a lawyer a “good fit”? Is the lawyer easy to talk to? Does he or she take the time to explain things, and does the lawyer return your emails and phone calls? Most importantly, ensure that the lawyer understands your specific needs and can articulate a clear strategy custom-tailored to your own unique situation.

  2. My husband warned me that if I separate from him, he is going to get custody of the children. My children mean everything to me. I am scared.

    3. Each case is unique, but more often than not, these threats are empty. Threats like these are often designed to scare a person with a strong case into staying in an unhappy marriage. Many people are shocked when they finally see a lawyer and discover how misguided a spouse’s threats may have been.

    Where custody is concerned, the courts are concerned with what is in the best interests of the children, not what is in the best interests of the parents!

    Even if you are afraid, you have nothing to lose by exploring your rights in a fully confidential meeting with a lawyer; you may have everything to gain.

  3. My husband told me he is going to hire the toughest lawyer in town. I am going to lose for sure.

    4. Cases are won or lost based on the particular facts of each case. No matter how great a reputation a lawyer may have, he cannot change the facts of a case. As long as your lawyer is experienced, hard-working, and attentive to your needs, you can expect a fair result.

  4. I’ve heard of some people spending $50,000.00, even $100,000.00 on their divorce. I couldn’t possibly afford this. What can I do?

    5. Everybody’s divorce is different. In some cases, the parties may agree on some issues while they disagree on others. The more issues there are in dispute, the more complex the case and the more expensive it will be. Conversely, if both parties and the lawyers they choose are interested in pursuing settlement, there will usually be a settlement and costs will be kept to a minimum.

    There are a few lawyers out there who have a more adversarial approach and may not be as focused on early settlement of their clients’ cases. Obviously, these lawyers will end up charging higher fees. Stay away from those lawyers. Try to impress upon your spouse to do the same.

  5. I’ve heard of people’s divorces dragging on for 3 or 4 years. I couldn’t handle that.

    6. Again, the more settlement-oriented you, your spouse, and your respective lawyers are, the more likely it is that a settlement will come sooner rather than later. It is definitely not typical for a case to last 3 or 4 years.

  6. Is it better to hire a woman lawyer or a man lawyer?

    7. There are just as many great female lawyers as there are great male lawyers. By the same token, there are less talented lawyers of both genders. The same analysis applies to older, middle-aged, and younger lawyers. All you need is one intelligent, experienced, caring, hard-working lawyer who shows that he/she is truly interested in resolving your case so that you can move on with your life.

  7. Should I hire the most expensive lawyer I can afford?

    8. The most senior lawyers are usually in a position to charge the highest hourly rates. You need to ask yourself, however, whether the specific issues in dispute in your case require you to hire the most senior lawyer in town, and whether “most senior” necessarily means “best”. There is really no such thing as the “best” lawyer, since there are so many great ones…it is really a matter of “best fit for you”. The best lawyer for your case may not necessarily be the most expensive, most senior, or most famous lawyer, but an experienced, hard-working lawyer who will give your case his or her full and personal attention, who will value you as a client, and who will do a great job for you.

  8. I am unhappy in my marriage but I don’t feel like going through the trouble and expense of a divorce. Should I just wait and see if things might improve?

    9. Except in the rarest of cases, a bad marriage does not miraculously turn into a good marriage. Many people who have taken steps to end a bad marriage remark that they spent years suffering needlessly, and that they wish that they had taken steps to separate much, much sooner. However, before making a final decision, it is advisable to speak to a therapist or marriage counselor and think your decision through very carefully.

  9. What if my spouse won’t sign a separation agreement?

    10. In most cases of separation or divorce, the best way to resolve the legal issues is through a separation agreement. Arriving at an agreement is usually preferable to going to court because both parties play an equal role, through the negotiation process, in determining what the terms of the agreement will be.

    If, however, your spouse does not care to engage in settlement negotiations, it will be necessary to obtain what you need through the court process. Many people assume that going to court is more expensive than negotiating a separation agreement. Ironically, however, some court matters are completed in less than six months while it sometimes takes years to negotiate a separation agreement. If it appears that your spouse is not interested in negotiating a separation agreement, it is often better to proceed straight to court and not waste a lot of time and money hoping that he/she might eventually come around. Each case is different.

  10. My husband will be so angry when he learns that I have gone to see lawyer. He might hurt me. I am scared.

    11. First of all, your meeting with a lawyer – any lawyer – will be completely confidential. Having said that, if you are afraid of being followed to your appointment, or if you fear for your safety in any way, you need to develop a plan to protect yourself (and your children, if applicable) before taking any steps to end your marriage. A lawyer who has experience with spousal abuse (ask!), an experienced therapist, or a women’s shelter are good starting points for confidential inquiries about how to make leaving as safe as possible.

  11. How can I afford a lawyer? I don’t even have a job.

    12. In many cases, a lawyer will recognize that even if there is no money to pay legal fees up front, the sale of family assets or the redistribution of family property will result in you receiving more than enough money, down the road, to pay your lawyer’s fees. Even if you have a very low income, a lawyer can often find ways to make the payment of fees much easier.

  12. My husband keeps telling me that I won’t get a penny from him unless I get rid of my lawyer. What should I do?

    13. In many “traditional” marriages where the husband controls the finances, the husband exerts other kinds of control over his wife. If his wife wants to end the marriage and is being represented by a lawyer, the husband feels that he is losing control over her. In a desperate attempt to hang on to that control, some husbands try to scare or threaten their wives in order to get them to back down. Once a marriage is over, it is a good idea to listen to your lawyer, and ignore your husband’s comments, as they are specifically designed to discourage you from doing what you need to do in order to look after your financial requirements.

  13. I don’t know much about my spouse’s income or assets. Is this a problem?

    14. When it comes to settling property and support issues, the more you know about your spouse’s income and financial circumstances, the easier it will be to settle those issues. In other words, much of what occurs during post-separation negotiations involves disclosing and discussing one’s income, expenses, assets, and debts. It is much, much better if you are in a position where you or your lawyer already has some advance knowledge of your spouse’s income, expenses, debts, and assets. There is a great temptation in matrimonial negotiations to hide one’s assets or claim that one’s income is much lower than it actually is. The more you know about your spouse’s financial circumstances, the less likely it is that he/she will be able to get away with any dishonesty.

  14. Why do people behave so badly during the post-separation negotiations?

    15. There are many reasons for this. The end of a marriage gives rise to a great deal of emotional pain, and a range of emotions such as feeling hurt, betrayed, guilty, angry, worthless, or vengeful. Emotions such as guilt and anger cause some people to behave very badly.

    Another problem is that it is rarely the case that a marriage ends by way of mutual agreement. Even in cases where it may appear that the decision was mutual, invariably one party decides that the marriage was over long before the other person comes to a similar realization. It is often the case that one party has spent years thinking about ending the marriage before the other person even realizes that anything is wrong. These people are at such different stages in the grieving process at the time negotiations begin. It is often difficult for the party who has initiated the process to understand how far behind the other is in the process. When one party has already “moved on” and the other party is still in shock that the marriage is over, settlement negotiations can be extremely stressful.